he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
