Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
