Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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