At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
