I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In other news, I just burned my penis
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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