I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
