i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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