OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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