he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
