I need help removing her.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
