I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
