Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
