As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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