i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
