brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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