I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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