America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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