i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize