He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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