I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
