I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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