And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
