I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
