thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
