I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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