i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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