idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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