guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
