I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
