Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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