Do you still have your period?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
