2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
