Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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