wanna go halves on a baby?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
