I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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