She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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