i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
