I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
