Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I look better un-naked...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
