you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize