OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am naked and annoyed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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