Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
