I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
