If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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