The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
