just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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