last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize