I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
