i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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