I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
