i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
