I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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