I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize