I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
