i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
