anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
