my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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