please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
