Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
