I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
