i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
