Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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