i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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