Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
