Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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