i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
