But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
