hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
