She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
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You. Win. At. Life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize