also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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