Where is the hickey?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
