soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
