If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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