Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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