if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
