I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
