My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
