Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
