your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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