I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize